This Changes Everything

This post was originally planned to be combined into my last entry, but that one ended up a bit lengthier than I had intended. Today’s entry picks up after Christmas 2015.

The week after my surgery, I was scheduled for a post-op appointment with the doctor back at the fertility clinic. Chad came with me, which at the time I thought was unnecessary. Nonetheless, I appreciated that he took the time off work to come to the appointment. He had been wonderful over the past week for taking care of my every need. He is an amazing sherpa, and I love him so much!

When we got to the clinic, Chad and I were taken to an exam room. The doctor’s fellow came in to check that my two laparoscopic incision sites were healing nicely. They were perfectly pink, and I was quickly cleared. He then told me that Dr. Z wanted to talk with us about the next steps in the process. Typically, this is done in a consult room and not an exam room. Chad and I waited for him to come in.

Outside the door, I heard one of the nurses talking to Dr Z. “Have you spoken with Sabrina yet? I think you need to go talk with her, she’s been through a lot.” I remember chuckling to myself about the hospital stay and my pain cave.

Dr. Z entered the room, along with his fellow. Both had weird looks on their faces.

Dr. Z said that my surgery went very well. They were able to resect 7.5 cm of septum from my uterus. He explained that the septum was so large that their hysteroscopic instruments hit it before they were even able to dilate my cervix. He said that he resected as much as he felt he could safely do. As the septum was removed, my uterus he watched on the laparoscope as my uterus literally “popped” open and into its correct shape.

He went on to tell us that all of my other internal organs (kidneys, liver, glands, etc.) looked healthy.

Then, Dr. Z began nervously thumbing through my chart. He said that he was looking for the laparoscopic images to show me. Chad produced a folder that he had been carrying with him, which contained the pre-op paperwork and instructions we were given after the surgery. From the back of the folder, he pulled some glossy pages that I hadn’t noticed before. They were pictures. He handed them to Dr. Z.

Dr. Z looked through them and found what he was looking for, and he turned the

picture so that I could see.

(I'll add a link to one of these pictures later.)

At first, I wasn't sure what I was looking at. It was obvioulsy my insides, but it appeared that there was clotted dirty bubble gum smeared all over everything. What I was told next shook my world.

Endometriosis. Stage 4. It had clogged my fallopian tubes, and possibly infiltrated my bladder and bowels. There was very little chance that Chad and I would be able to conceive a child naturally.

I tried to hold it together. Chad squeezed my hand tightly.

The doctor told me that our best option to start a family was via in vitro fertilization (IVF).

The doctors left. As the door clicked behind them, I broke.

I turned to Chad. He was crying too. He told me that the doctors had already told him and my mom after my surgery, but that I was in so much pain they couldn't talk to me at the time. They decided it would be best to let me have the week to heal up and then tell me during the follow up appointment. We cried together.

Chad then told me that he wasn't sure about doing IVF. My world crumbled again.

A few minutes later, there was a soft knock on the door. The nurse and medical assistant walked in to check on us. They were very kind and said the nicest things, although I don't remember what they were now. They hugged us, then asked us to move to a consult room that had finally become available.

Dr. Z joined Nurse Bobby, Chad, and me in the consult room. He explained some more medical stuff, but it went in one ear and out another.

At our clinic, they require that couples attend a lecture about IVF prior to beginning the process. There is only one lecture given each month, and Dr. Z and another doctor switch off giving it each time. The next lecture was in 4 days.

Since Dr. Z was giving the lecture, we decided to attend that following Monday evening.

We then went home, and I spent the next few days either crying or researching IVF on Dr. Google.